There is a story
about a well-meaning mother who saw a butterfly struggling to get out of a
cocoon. The mother, as I said was
well-meaning, so she decided to help the butterfly by opening up the cocoon so
that the struggle would be less. When
the butterfly broke free, it ended up not being able to fly and in a short
time, died. What this mother didn’t know,
unfortunately, was that through the struggle to get out of the cocoon, the
butterfly’s wings would become strong enough to fly on its own. The mother was just trying to help.
Every now and
then, we hear of birds with broken wings.
They are unable to lift off the ground.
They have to be picked up and cared for until the wing is healed enough
so that the bird can fly on its own. One
wing won’t do it by itself. Birds need
two wings.
The Benefit Of
Two Wings.
As a former
counselor, I’ve worked with parents of teenagers who would best be described as
helicopter parents. One parent comes to
mind who intervened at any opportunity she could. Her son did no wrong . . . never . . . none .
. . ever. It was always someone else’s
fault. Late work? Miscommunication and a lack of clarity on the
teacher’s part. Late to school? She drove, so she should be held accountable,
not her son.
Eventually, it
grew. Smoking? On school grounds? No way.
He wouldn’t do that. A fight with
another student? The other student’s
fault. My son was provoked.
It seems that
much like the well-meaning mother with the cocoon and butterfly, this
well-meaning is hindering the strength of her son’s wings, inhibiting his
ability to fly on his own. I sometimes
wonder if that young man ever learned to fly, or if like the butterfly, soon ‘died’
because of that inability.
The Benefit Of
Two Wings.
I think there is
also a benefit in having two wings that work, that are strong. I think there is also a benefit in teaching
one to use both wings.
I think that as
parents, and as caring adults, there is a tendency to want to help
children. I think as caring adults,
there is a tendency to want to help others, young or old. I think that because of our own lives, our
own mistakes, our own questionable and sometimes poor choices and the
consequences we found ourselves in because of those mistakes and choices, we
naturally want to protect our children, and the kids we work with from making
those same mistakes, from making those same choices and falling into the same
consequences we found ourselves in.
It’s only
natural. We’re human and we care . . .
or at least we’re supposed to care, should care.
The problem . .
. perhaps the balance . . . is in how much we can do, say, act and in what our
children and other adults need to do on their own.
Brandon is a
teacher and family friend. We were
discussing college and what we did or didn’t do while we were at college. I remember worrying out loud over our
daughter, Hannah, and what she might be faced with, what choices she would have
to make, what decisions she might have to live with. His response was, “You raised her. You taught her. Trust the job you did, the beliefs you
instilled in her, and then trust her.” I
have to admit that I needed to hear that.
Had to hear that.
The Benefit Of
Two Wings.
Kids need to
learn to fly on their own. Kids, and
others, need to learn from their own mistakes, their own choices. And then, learn from the consequences of
those mistakes and choices. It isn’t
easy. It’s hard to watch one of your . .
. one of my . . . children struggle and suffer, even a little. But without that struggle, their own wings,
much like the butterfly’s wings, without the struggle with the cocoon, won’t
grow or develop.
If we can
remember that, our kids will do well. If
we instill in them the belief and faith we have in them, give them support, encouragement,
they will learn to fly on their own and their wings will take them in great and
wonderful places, above and below the horizon.
Just as each of us did . . . and do . . . once upon a time. Something to think about . . .
Live Your Life,
and Make A Difference!
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Thank you for your comment. I welcome your thought. Joe