My sister, Kathy, sent me this from my niece, Annie. Annie’s father, my brother-in-law, passed away this past September, and one year previous to this, Annie’s mother, my sister, passed away. Annie described it as “being homeless.” No anchor.
With the last hurricane that blasted Florida, Annie lost her home. Nearly everything was lost, damaged, or broken. Needless to say, this has been an extremely tough two years on her and her two sisters and brother.
“Homeless.” No anchor.
Annie posted this on Facebook, and I decided to bring it to you on my blog, because it encapsulates what many of have gone through, or will go through, upon the passing of a mom or dad or older sibling.
Again, this is not my own, nor is it Annies. She found it and posted it just as it is, and I am posting it just as it is. It comes from Melissa Vaughan …
A friend posted this writing today, and it struck me that someday EVERYONE will go thru this discarding of “things” that are the memories of one’s life. Sometimes it’s our own and more often it’s the life of someone we love ...
When my mom was cleaning out her house over 23 years ago to sell it, I wasn’t very sympathetic over her attachments to things. I would go over on weekends to help her and we would go through things, things for a yard sale, things to donate, things to throw away. I would usually get upset over how long it was taking her to decide. For instance, we were going through kitchen cabinets and she spent 20 minutes looking at an iron kettle with a lid. Finally I said, “Mom, at this rate, it is going to take us another 2 years.”
She told me that her mother used to make meals in that kettle and leave them at doorsteps of neighbors during the depression, mom would deliver them, and then they would reappear back to her with an apron, or a wood carving, something in return for the meal. I realized that everything that my mom was going through was really a reliving of her life.
If you are reading this and are under the age of 60, you won’t get it. You haven’t lived long enough. Most of you have not had to move your parents into a nursing home, or emptied their home. You haven’t lived long enough to realize that the hours you spend picking out the right cabinets, or the perfect tile will not be what matters in the later years. It will be the handmade toothbrush holder, or a picture that you got on vacation.
So, if
your parents are downsizing, and moving to smaller places, or selling a home,
give your mom and even your dad a break. Those things that you don’t understand
why they can’t just pitch, and why you think you know what needs to be tossed
or saved, give them a little time to make their decisions. They are saying
goodbye to their past and realizing that they are getting ready for their end
of life while you are beginning your life.
As I have been going through things, it’s amazing just how hard it is to get rid of objects. But, life goes on, and you realize they are just things, but sometimes things comfort us. So give your parents or grandparents a break. Listen to their stories, because in 40 years, when you are going through those boxes and the memories come back, it will be hard to get rid of those plastic champagne flutes that you and your late husband used at a New Year party 40 years ago. You will think nothing of the tile or the light fixtures that were so important then.
As
happy as they are for you, and as much as they love you, you just don’t have a
clue until it happens to you and then you will remember how you rushed them,
and it will make you sad, especially if they are already gone and you can’t say
I’m sorry, I didn’t get it.
~ Original Post Melissa Vaughan
I hope this post causes you to think and to reminisce in a good way. I know I did.
I didn’t have to clean out the house when dad moved to a nursing home. After he passed away, I didn’t have to clean out his room. My sister did that. When my mom moved to a nursing home, my two sisters cleaned out her condo. They carefully left small piles of keepsakes for each of us sons and daughters to take. I didn’t see them struggle, and I didn’t see them weep, though I know they did. I know when I walked through that home for the last time, I wept.
My memories were both good and bad. Some of my doing, while some were done to me. It happens because we’re human and we’re not perfect.
I only hope that when I pass and when Kim moves on, she and my daughters will have fond memories of my keepsakes, the things I treasured and those things that meant something to me. I hope they realize that what meant the most to me was their love and companionship. I think we all want that, don’t we? Something to think about …
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