Our Children

Early morning, the world dark, not even shadows. I sat in the bedroom’s corner in a rocking chair, the same chair Kim and I used for both Hannah and Emily at their time. A different time, a different place. No one awake, except for maybe Kim. I tried to be as quiet as I could be, letting her sleep for as long as she needed. No one else awake except for me, and for just a smidgeon of time, Mason. In my arms, held tightly to my chest as I rocked and patted his back.

Raining off and on most of the night. I imagined the world dark, dreary, and damp with ghost-like fingers of fog creeping in amongst the trees in our backyard. Honestly, didn’t dwell on that, but of Mason sleeping in my arms. His perfect smell, his warmth. 

At first, his head nestled in my neck, rigid, his tiny hand grasping my finger. Then, as I rocked and patted his back, his breathing changed, his body grew limp. He understood he was safe, protected. Still grasping my finger, not letting go. Oh, I held on and on, happy and content, not at all tired, Mason not at all heavy in my arms. 

My mind drifted to long ago. First, Hannah in my arms, both of her tiny hands wrapped around fingers of my hand as I tried to feed her a bottle in the dark of night. Her eyes studying my face, not interested in the bottle past the first few gulps. Just studying my face before falling back to sleep. Me holding her, loving her, as much as I did then and do now. Oh, so much. 

Then to Emily. Always thirsty, wanting more, yet the same need and contentment being held, fingers of her hand grasping mine. A heavier, bigger baby than Hannah, yet so small. A different time, a different place. 

Do they understand I am wrapped around their fingers, their heart? It will always be so. 

How our children wanting, needing to be held, to hold. Comfortable in our arms, hearts beating the same rhythm, the same slow beat. Our arms to comfort, to protect- as much for them as it is for us. Their tiny bodies fitting like puzzle pieces snuggly, tightly, correctly in our arms. Hearing their laughter, their quiet sighs, their yawns.

Our children, merely babies at first, helpless and dependent upon us. Then, growing to toddlers, to children exploring their world, always coming back to us for shelter, for guidance, asking questions, seeking love and reassurance. Then onto young adults and then older adults with lives and loves and families of their own, leaving us as they pave their own way in their world, the world of their making. 

And as we grow older, wiser with experience, with love, and sometimes tempered with pain and failure, how much more we need them then (now?), even though they are independent, apart from us, different cities, different states, worlds and lives of their own. 

Yet we long to be held, and we seek that same comfort we gave them, their love, the same love we gave them- sometimes expressed with words, but more often through their eyes, their smiles, their infrequent visits. 

And while we text and sometimes call, the distance is only almost cut in half, not perfectly, not nearly close enough, never enough for me, for you. The texts, the calls, bring comfort, but not as warm or friendly or as satisfying as their touch. Never like their touch. 

But we make do, knowing that in the end (and the end is coming at some point- for us) creeps closer, stealthily, silently, dangerously closer. Until then, we hang on, grasping their hands, knowing our hearts are wound tightly, beating softly, yet with urgency for them, along with them. Sometimes not knowing how we feel, and us, not sure how we can express it, only to love them, protect them, and give them as only a mom or dad can, hoping and wondering if what we did for them, are doing for them is and was enough? God, I hope so! Hoping beyond hope, that after we pass, they, too, will find shelter and protection, comfort and love to last their lifetime and beyond. Yes, beyond. Something to think about … 

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference! 

To My Readers:

Connect with me on Social Media: 

Author Website at: https://www.jrlewisauthor.com     

Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author 

Instagram at: https://www.Instagram.com/joseph.lewis.author 

Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Lewis/e/B01FWB9AOI / 

My Books, Their Descriptions, and Links to Purchase

The Lives Trilogy Prequel, Taking Lives:  https://amzn.to/34nXBH5  

FBI Agent Pete Kelliher and his partner search for the clues behind the bodies of six boys left in various and remote parts of the country. Even though they don’t know one another, the lives of FBI Kelliher, 11-year-old Brett McGovern, and 11-year-old George Tokay are separate pieces of a puzzle. The two boys become interwoven with the same thread that Pete Kelliher holds in his hand. The three of them are on a collision course and when that happens, their lives are in jeopardy as each search for a way out.     

Book One of the Lives Trilogy, Stolen Lives: Literary Titan Gold Book Award Winner! Best Thriller’s Editor’s Pick! Best Thrillers Runner Up Award Winner!  https://amzn.to/3oMo4qZ 

Two thirteen-year-old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher and his team of FBI agents have 24 hours to find them or they’ll end up like all the others- dead! They have no leads, no clues, and nothing to go on. And the possibility exists that one of his team members might be involved.

Book Two of the Lives Trilogy, Shattered Lives: https://amzn.to/2RAYIk2

Six men escaped and are out for revenge. The boys, recently freed from captivity, are in danger and so are their families, but they don’t know it. The FBI has no clues, no leads, and nothing to go on and because of that, cannot protect them.                                       

Book Three of the Lives Trilogy, Splintered Lives:  http://bit.ly/SplinteredLives 

A 14-year-old boy knows the end is coming. What he doesn’t know is when, where, or by whom. Without that knowledge, the FBI cannot protect him or his family. And he cannot protect himself, his father, or his brothers.                                                  

Caught in a Web: A PenCraft Literary Award Winner! Named “One of the Best Thrillers of 2018!” by BestThrillers http://bit.ly/2WO3kka

Now Available in Audio Book, Kindle and Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Caught-in-Web-Joseph-Lewis-audiobook/dp/B07RP42BXH/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1700666203&sr=8-1

Bodies of high school and middle school kids are found dead from an overdose of heroin and fentanyl. MS-13, a violent gang originating in California, controls the drug, sex, and gun trades along the I-94 and I-43 corridors and the Milwaukee Metro area. They send an enforcer, Ricardo Fuentes from Chicago to Waukesha to find out who is cutting in on their business, shut it down and teach them a lesson. But he has an ulterior motive: find and kill a fifteen-year-old boy, George Tokay, who had killed his cousin the previous summer.

Spiral Into Darkness: Named a Recommended Read in the Author Shout Reader Awards!  https://amzn.to/2RBWvTm

He blends in and is successful, intelligent, and methodical. He has a list and has murdered eight on it so far. There is no discernible pattern, no clues, and there are no leads. The only thing the FBI and local police have to go on is the method of death: two bullets to the face- gruesome and meant to send a message. But it’s difficult to understand any message coming from a dark and damaged mind. Two adopted boys, struggling in their own world, do not know they are the next targets. Neither does their family, and neither does law enforcement.

Betrayed: A Best Thriller’s 1^st Place Award for Crime Fiction! Maxy Award Runner-Up! A Literary Titan Silver Book Award Winner!  https://amzn.to/2EKHudx

Now Available in Audio Book, Kindle and Paperback!  https://amzn.to/3AfUUpS 

A late-night phone call, a missing kid, a murdered family, but no one is willing to talk. A promise is made and kept, but it could mean the death of a fifteen-year-old boy. Seeing is not believing. No one can be trusted, and the hunters become the hunted.

Blaze In, Blaze Out – Best Action Fiction Book of 2022- Best Thrillers! Reader’s Favorite Runner Up! Literary Titan Gold Book Award! https://amzn.to/34lNllP

Now Available in Audio Book, Kindle and Paperback! https://www.amazon.com/Audible-Blaze-In-Out/dp/B0C6FKHJZ8/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1700665936&sr=8-1

Detectives Eiselmann and O’Connor thought the conviction of a Ukrainian gang lord meant the end, but it was only the beginning. They forgot that revenge knows no boundaries, vindictiveness knows no restraints, and ruthlessness never worries about collateral damage. A target is a target, and in the end, the target will die. Eiselmann and O’Connor become the hunted, but they don’t know by whom or when they will strike. 

Fan Mail – New Release! A Reader’s Favorite Silver Book Award! Maxy Award Finalist! Eric Hoffer Award Nominee! Literary Titan Silver Book Award!  https://amzn.to/3eNgSdS 

A barrage of threatening letters, a car bomb, and a heart attack rip apart what was once a close-knit family of adopted brothers. Randy and Bobby, along with fellow band member and best friend, Danny, receive fan mail that turns menacing. They ignore it, but to their detriment. The sender turns up the heat. Violence upends their world. It rocks the relationship between the boys and ripples through their family, nearly killing their dad.

As these boys turn on each other, adopted brother Brian flashes back to that event in Arizona where he nearly lost his life saving his brothers. The scars on his face and arms healed, but not his heart.

Would he once again have to put himself in harm’s way to save them? And if faced with that choice, will he?

Fan Mail is a Coming-of-Age story embedded in a Thriller-Crime-Mystery. 

Photos Courtesy of the Lewis Family