Inconvenienced By Tragedy

You know, when you plan a trip to the zoo or park and it rains?  How the weather doesn’t cooperate with you or your plans?  Maybe the car doesn’t start, or someone gets sick.  You end up having to change those plans, or postpone them, or . . .

I had planned on writing a much different post today.  Much different.  Lighter.  Happier.  As I said, different.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day and my phone rang.  I recognized the caller by the name and number on caller ID.  My sister, Judy, who I consider to be the Matriarch of our family, was the caller.

I don’t like early morning phone calls.  I received one when my sister Joanne was suddenly taken ill and became hospitalized for a long, long time before she passed away.  One month and a day after that morning phone call, I received yet another morning phone call.  My sister, Donna, passed away.  You might understand why I don’t care for early morning phone calls.

I ran through a list of possible reasons for the phone call.  I ran through a list of possible names that might be the topic of the phone call. 

Loved ones.  Truly loved.

My family of ten brothers and sisters, a bit diminished in number now, are close.  There is a bond that neither time nor distance can change.  A bond that is strong no matter what.  We’ve seen and have been touched and have felt tragedy. 

My Grand-Nephew, Jared, died in a car crash last evening.  Twenty-one years old.  Was to have graduated in December as an engineer.  Had been offered a full-ride to grad school.  Brilliant.  Playful.  Quick wit. 

It had snowed.  Slushy and icy.  Lost control and hit a guard rail.  But alive.  A Good Samaritan stopped to see if he was okay.  I can imagine Jared being shaken up.  Nervous.  Worried.  But he was okay.  However a third car lost control and hit Jared and the Good Samaritan.  They died.  Gone in the blink of an eye.  Alive one minute.  And in the next . . .

A future full of promise.  A future full of hope.  A lifetime to live.  To laugh.  To love.  To . . .

So my day changed.  The day for my niece, my sister, for my family changed.  Their lives have been changed.  Devastated.  Altered, never to be the same. 

Inconvenienced By Tragedy.

Left us, all of us, wondering why?  Why Jared?  Why?  Left us wondering what was, is, the sense of it all?  Left us saddened.  Hurt.  Bewildered.  Angry.  Confused.  Perhaps numb because it hasn’t sunk in yet. 

For me, tears will come later.  It hasn’t sunk in.  Heck, it might never sink in.  I just know that October will be different, changed, from now on.  I know that Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s will be different, changed, from now on.  I know that my niece and her husband, my sister and their family . . . our family . . . will have a hole that won’t . . . can’t . . . be filled.  Not with time.  Not with anyone else.  No, never.

Inconvenienced By Tragedy.

I know that there are those of you who have suffered similarly.  I know that there are those of you who are suffering even now as you read this.  I know that there are those of you . . .

Wish I had something important to say.  Wish I had some nugget, some truth to impart. 

Folks, I got nothin’.  Nothin’ at all.  Not a thing.

Those of you who read my blog probably have come to know that I have a deeply rooted faith.  That won’t change.  My faith will not, cannot, be Inconvenienced By Tragedy.  I know to some that sounds simplistic.  I know to some that sounds illogical, perhaps ignorant.  Tough!  I know I might not have an answer for my niece, my sister, my brothers, my family.  I know, like them, I will question ‘Why?’ and will come up empty.  Don’t know.  Won’t know. 

I know that eventually there will be laughter.  I know that eventually there will be moments to celebrate.  Moments of joy and hope and inspiration.  I also know that there will be other tragedies.  Moments to wonder.  To sit in silence and feel the pain and the emptiness that tragedy brings.

So if nothing else comes from this post, perhaps it will cause you to hug your children and loved ones a bit tighter.  Perhaps it will cause you to call and reach out to those who are important and special and loved and let them know just how you feel.  Please do so, because it can all change in one moment, one breath, one eye blink, one heartbeat.  It can all change.  All of it.  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Live, and Make A Difference!

The Voice We Listen To

When I drive, I listen to music.  I have my car tuned to about ten stations and push the buttons until there is a song I like.  When a commercial comes on, I switch stations.  Not interested in what someone is pitching.  I might listen to the traffic report, maybe the weather, but I seek music.

I have friends and family who listen to talk radio.  Personally, I think they’re crazy.  Why would I want to listen to some guy’s, some lady’s opinion on  . . . ?  It’s even worse now that we’re in an election year.  And not even the big election at that.  Just a local election with a few national spots thrown in. 

They harangue.  They nag.  They distort.  They color the facts.  They knock down, belittle, denigrate. 

They lie!  (I know . . . that comes as a shock to many of you.  Sorry about that.)

There are times I marvel at those who tune into hatred, to disrespect, to intolerance.  Stations even pay a salary to those who purport these sentiments, these attitudes, these feelings.  There are those companies who sponsor these individuals who spout these beliefs.

Sort of sad, really.  Okay.  Maybe a lot sad, really.

I think of the Bible story about John The Baptist.  Tough guy to listen to.  Not necessarily likeable.  Not a guy many would gravitate to.  Legend has it he wore the skin of an animal and ate locusts dipped in honey.  Hmmm . . . not necessarily my kind of guy.  Don’t know that I’d tune my radio to his station.

Then we have that Other Guy.  The Guy who talked about loving your neighbor as yourself.  The Guy who talked about peacemakers, the humble, the poor.  The Guy who wanted the children to come to Him. 

I think we have a tendency to seek out those who speak on our behalf, who give credence to our beliefs, be them right or wrong, good or bad or evil, tolerant or intolerant, accepting or rejecting.

My dad had a saying: “Garbage in, garbage out!”  A lot of truth in that, I think.

I think if we seek out those who preach intolerance, who preach indifference, who preach hatred and distortion, we become those same individuals.  How can we not?  “Garbage in, garbage out!”

And, if we seek those who preach acceptance, who preach kindness, who preach tolerance and belonging, isn’t there the possibility . . . the probability  . . . of becoming those same individuals?  Perhaps, “Goodness in, goodness out!”

If we surround ourselves with those who preach negativity, don’t we become like them?  Don’t we become them?  Wouldn’t it be better . . . wouldn’t it make the world better . . . our lives better . . . if we surrounded ourselves with positive people?

So . . .

I’m wondering what you’re listening to today.  Tomorrow.  Next week.  What is your station set to?  What is The Voice You Listen To?  What is it you wish to become?  What is it you wish your children to become?  Garbage?  Goodness?  What is The Voice You Listen To?  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

Life Guard On Duty!

My wife, Kim, loves the water.  I think she’s half-fish.  (Thankfully, without gills, fins or a tail.)

For our tenth anniversary, Kim and I went to the Bahamas with some very dear friends.  It was so much fun.  The resort was all-inclusive.  Five swimming pools.  White sandy beach and clear blue ocean.   

Peaceful.  Restful.  Relaxing.  Adults only!  (A trip without the kids!  Just us!  Really!  It actually happened!)

The four of us decided to go on a catamaran snorkeling.  So, along with twenty or so others, out on the boat we went.  Some of those who went were younger, some were older.  The captain guided us out to a reef and we got ready.

Hmmm . . . I started this out telling you that Kim loves the water and that she’s half-fish.  Remember that?

I like water and I like the beach.  Just not getting wet or the sand.  Doesn’t work for me like it does for Kim.  I’m not comfortable in the water.  Okay, I’m sorta scared of the water.  I can float.  I can get from point A to point B if I go slowly, take my time.  That’s the only speed I know, really.  I actually swim better under water than on top of the water.  Heck, I swim on top of the water and people jump in to save me.  Okay, not really, but it seems like that.  Silly, really.  I mean, I grew up on a river.  Sailed our homemade raft on it.  I love boats, just not the water.  I know, I don’t get it either.

So . . .

John and I chickened out, while Kim and Karen went snorkeling.  They had fun.  Saw different colored fish.  A sting ray.  Played around.  Every now and then they’d wave at us and we’d wave back.  Felt childish, I guess.  Maybe a bit ashamed. 

Ever notice the sign at some beaches:  No Lifeguard On Duty.  Swim At Your Own Risk.

Rather ominous.  Sorta scary.  No one there to watch over you.  Protect you.  Keep you safe.

Sometimes, we find ourselves in deep water.  Dark water.  Rough water.  We don’t know what’s down there near our feet.  Under us.

Sometimes we drift out too far.  We have to tread water.  The waves might push us, pull us, lap over us.

I think there outta be a rule about Life Guards.  There should be a Life Guard On Duty all the time.  Someone to Guard Us.  Protect Us.  Warn us if we drift too far out.  And if we struggle and flail, a Life Guard to come get us and bring us safely back to shore.  A real Life Guard. 

I mean, lifeguards are necessary.  Important.  They save us at the beach if we need it.  They should be on duty all the time, not just some times.

But I think a Life Guard is even more important.  Guides us.  Guards us when we’re in deep water.  Water over our heads.  Protects us when we’re in rough water.  Unsafe water.  When we don’t know what’s under us.  When we’re out too far.  When we’re on our own.

And perhaps, it’s important to be a Life Guard for others.  For those around us.  Near us.  Those who work with us.  A Life Guard for those we love.  For those who are important to us.  Yes, I think a Life Guard is important.  Very important.  Very, very important.  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

Erase Those Tapes!

There are times we get caught up in repetition.  Sometimes it’s a good thing.  Running.  Exercise.  Taking a vitamin.  Saying, “I love you!” to those who are meaningful in our lives.  All good things and worthy of repetition.

There are other times when the cycle of repetition needs to be broken.  “I’m not good enough.”  “I’m fat.”  “I can’t do it.”  “I’m not good-looking.”  “I’ll never be . . .” and on and on and . . .

We all have those things we say to ourselves.  It seems we push play and repeat.  And, we do it without thinking.  It becomes so easy.  Too easy.

Even worse, we’re reminded every day, multiple times a day, again and again until the message is drummed into us and we adopt that message as our own.

Sad, really.

We need this hairstyle.  That car.  Whiter teeth.  Hair too thin?  Need a closer shave?  Gaining too much weight?  This color, that color.  Take a cruise!  Go on vacation.

Yes, why don’t we go on vacation . . . from the endless repetition of those tapes. 

Maybe, Erase Those Tapes!

In the immortal and very wise words of Christopher Robin to Winnie The Pooh: “You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”

Now, that’s a tape worth repeating.  Push that play button and go on and repeat it over and over and over again.

I think we all need a Christopher Robin in our lives.  (Probably a Winnie The Pooh, too.)  We need someone in our life that points out that we are good enough.  That we’re okay.  That while there is always room for improvement, you know, we are pretty darn good just the way we are.

I had a friend, a colleague and workmate in California who I had overheard telling another coworker, “That’s okay!  You’re his ten!”  She was right back then, and she is right even now.

You see, we’re so much harder on ourselves than perhaps others are.  We beat ourselves up over mistakes.  It doesn’t matter if the mistake is small or big.  We beat ourselves up until we’re bruised and bloody.  But the reality is, each of us . . . every one of us . . . is somebody’s ten.

Yes, each of us.  A ten.

Maybe it’s time to Erase Those Tapes once and for all.  For our own good.  For the good of those around us.  Maybe it’s time for us to be the Christopher Robin to those around us, especially children.  Maybe it’s time to help them Erase Those Tapes before the tapes become too repetitious and before they become all too easy to push play and repeat.  We owe it to ourselves.  We owe it to each other.  We owe it to our children.  We really do.  Honest!  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

The Lesson From Rafiki

Being the father of one son and two daughters, I’ve watched my share of Disney movies.  Still do, actually.  One of my all-time favorites was one of the older ones, Dumbo.  I’ve watched that one over and over, like I did with Mary Poppins and several others. 

Wil never had one favorite.  He sort of liked them all, especially the comedies because he loves to laugh.  Emily’s favorite is Mulan.  It fits her.  It’s the story of a girl hero in a man’s world, with a love story woven in.  My little romantic.  (I think you can see my smile and hear my sigh, can’t you?)  Hannah’s favorite is The Little Mermaid.   It fits Hannah because it’s a story of a girl who follows her heart and pursues her dreams, trying desperately not to disappoint her dad.  (Yeah, another smile and another sigh!)

But there is yet another, Lion King, I’d like to write about.  Specifically, The Lesson From Rafiki. 

I was reminded of it earlier this week when we had an assembly for the kids at my school.  The presenter mentioned it to the kids and a light bulb went on in my head.  It reminded me of one of the themes I’ve presented often in my posts.

Remember the scene when Simba, the young son of Mufasa, was feeling sorry for himself?  Rafiki bopped him on the head with his staff.  Simba said, “Ouch! What was that for?”  Rafiki mumbles, “Don’t worry about it.  It’s in the past.”  Simba complains, “Well, the past hurt.”  Rafiki answers, “You have two choices.  You can learn from it or run from it.”

The Lesson From Rafiki . . . learn from your past or run from it.

Yes, sometimes the past hurts.  One’s past can hurt a great deal.  I don’t want to minimize that because I’ve worked with kids and adults whose lives were anything but painful, ugly and grotesque. 

I get that because I’ve seen it.  To some degree, I’ve felt it.  

But sometimes, though, "remembering" the past can be distorted.  Sometimes "remembering" the past can be much worse than what it actually was.  Sometimes "remembering" the past, well, colors it to our way of thinking and what we actually "remember" about our past is actually rather fictional.

Recently, I wrote a post titled No Excuses!  In it, I wrote about two young men who rose above their pasts.  They rose above the pain and the life they were born into.  They made a choice and that choice wasn’t to let the past ruin their future.

You know, we all make mistakes.  We’ve all made mistakes.  Some big, some small.  We’ve tripped and we’ve stumbled.  And for the most part, we’ve picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and we’ve moved on. 

That’s one choice.

One can spend so much time living in the past . . . and blaming the past . . . that one forgets to live in the present.  We play ‘ain’t it awful!’  We point fingers, and generally, never at ourselves.  Because we spend so much time wallowing in our past misery, an unbiased, objective observer might wonder if we enjoy it so much that we don’t ever want to leave it.

Hmmm . . .

And if we are that controlled by the past, if we dwell in the past, and if we don’t live in the present, we have no future.  None.

That’s the other choice.

The Lesson From Rafiki . . . learn from your past or run from it.  And I believe that if we run from our past, we end up actually never leaving it.  We actually end up living in the past instead of running from it.

So really, when you think about it, it’s not much of a choice.  Actually, no choice at all.  Something to think about . . . 

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

A Mosaic

The church I grew up in as a kid still sits on the corner of Eighth and Hickory in the bigger town that grew up and around the small town I remember. 

Renovations over the years, but essentially the same.  Enormous.  Castle-like.  Gray stone.  Tall steeple.  Almost, but not quite foreboding.   Still has the feel of something out of the Middle Ages.  One would almost expect knights with shields and swords and spears or crossbows manning the turrets.  Didn’t have a moat though.  That would have been pretty cool.

The inside was my favorite part of the church.  Smelled faintly of incense.  Pews of dark wood.  Kneelers allegedly padded.  Not so much for the very young or the elderly, though.  At least it didn’t feel that way back then.  Not so much now either.

Loved the little votive candles.  Flame dancing within dark red glass.  Peaceful.  Hypnotizing.

Love the stained glass windows.  There were four huge windows.  When the sun would hit them just right, rays of red and green and blue and yellow reflected down on us.  Sacred.  Awe inspiring.

I wondered how painstakingly long it would take to fashion the small parts of the colored glass to fit the story, the picture.  Each one assembled just right to shape the figures, to create the scene. The mind of the artist . . . incomprehensible to me.  Not having that talent.  None whatsoever.  Only the talent to marvel at the beauty, to enjoy, and to marvel at the talent of the artist, the mind of the artist.

Each piece, each part fitting perfectly.  One as important as the next.  One no more important than the other.  Created in the mind of the artist, in the artist’s eye for each of us to enjoy.

And . . . each of us, you and I, are parts and pieces of stained glass . . . A Mosaic.  A Mosaic called Life.

Each of us, each other, you and I, as important to the whole as . . . well, the next one of us.  Doesn’t matter who, yet each who matters.  Each of us playing a part . . . a role in this Mosaic.

Our role . . . our part in the stained glass of life . . . A Mosaic . . . of life.  No part bigger.  No part smaller.  One as important as the next.  Created in the Artist’s eye for each of us . . . for each of

us . . . to enjoy.  To be a part of.  To be a member of.  Something to think about . . .

 Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

A Note Of Love

I had mentioned in a previous post (Clutter) that I’m a ‘pack rat’. 

I hang onto things that mean something to me.  I guess you could say I’m a romantic, that I’m nostalgic.  I don’t think you’d be wrong with that characterization.  Seems like I passed that onto my youngest, Emily.  We both have our ‘treasures’.

Recently, I was rummaging through a drawer in my nightstand where I keep “my things”.  My wife, Kim, would call it Clutter, but I call it Treasures . . . pieces of my life that I can’t bear to part with.  This drawer is jammed to the brim, almost (but not quite) to the point that I have trouble opening and closing it.

I can’t remember what I was looking for, but I came across some cards and notes Kim had given me a long time ago.  Almost twenty-one years ago.  Whatever I was looking for was soon forgotten.  Gone.  As I said, I can’t even remember what it was I was looking for.

You see, when Kim was the Head Softball Coach at the school in California where we met, before each game, she would write a note to each of her players.  Something to inspire.  She’d include a piece of candy.  Each game.  Every game.  Each kid.  Every kid.

Our wedding was in July of 1992.  I had to drive from California to Wisconsin because I had a number of things I had to bring back.  Kim flew home to help her mom with the preparations while I drove.  I stopped the first night somewhere in Southern Utah and checked into a hotel.  As I unpacked this or that, maybe as I got ready for bed, I opened up my suitcase and came across a stack of cards labeled Joe Day One, Joe Day Two, and so on, until Joe Wedding Day.

Each card had a note from her.  Something simple . . . something meaningful. 

A Note Of Love.

Kim has carried that tradition well past her softball team . . . well past that wedding trip.  When Emily went off to Y camp one summer, she had a card from Kim for each day.  When we traveled by car back to Wisconsin to visit family and friends, each of our kids had a card a day.  I’ve often thought that over the years, we should have bought stock in Hallmark!

A Note Of Love.

It isn’t the card, necessarily.  To me, it wasn’t even the sentiment written on the card. 

What was important to me was the time Kim took to write the note.  What was important to me was the thought she put into the note.

Got me thinking . . .

How often have we expressed, even in a little way, how much someone means to us?  A gesture.  A smile.  A touch.  How many opportunities have been missed, have been lost, because we might have thought it was ‘a dumb idea’ perhaps ‘we might get ridiculed or scoffed at’, because our gesture ‘might be rejected’?  How many opportunities were missed because we were waiting for the ‘right time’, when actually any time would have been the ‘right time’?  An opportunity missed is an opportunity lost. 

We’ve missed and lost too many already, you and I.  Don’t lose any more.  There are those around us, who we bump into daily, that need a gentle reminder that they are loved, that they are thought about, that they are needed, that they mean something to us.  There are those around us who really do need A Note Of Love.  They really do.  Really.  Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!