Friendship Fades

Scrolling through Reels on my phone as I took a break from working and writing, I came across an interesting interview between a host, whose name I didn’t catch, and actor, Kevin Bacon. They talked about acting, various roles, and such, but there was a question that seemed to not only strike me but also the actor.

The host asked, “You’ve developed friendships with the people you work with, but what happens when the project is completed? Do you remain friends after that?” 

Bacon contemplated that question, then shook his head and said, “That’s what’s so frustrating to me. Even depressing. On the set, whether it is a play or a movie, we become close. We’re family. And then when it’s over, everyone goes away. When I was younger, I didn’t know how to handle that. I mean, we were friends, I thought. But some, I’ve never heard from again, or if I did, it was at some event or show and we pass each other and say hello. I didn’t know how to handle that.” 

“But surely, you made friends in the business, right?” the host asked. 

“Well, yes. I met my wife while we worked together, but there are others who just left and I never hear from again.” 

“That must hurt.” 

“Hell, yes. Like I said, we spend weeks, even months, together. We develop a bond, a friendship. We’re like family. And then,” Bacon raised his hands and finished, “then nothing. I didn’t know how to handle that at first.” 

I made me think back to my forty-nine years in education, both full-time and part-time, the places I’ve been, and the people I worked with, laughed with, and hurt with. And many of them are gone, much like Bacon described. The set was finished, the project done, and they moved on. In my case, I changed jobs or cities and schools, and some people I thought were friends aren’t anymore. Never hear from them again. Gone. 

Now and then, I look them up on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn, and I reach out and reintroduce myself with a wish to connect, but many times, it is ignored. Yeah, it hurts. 

The longest I’ve been in one place, here in Virginia, Kim and I hear from very few. Very few. I am in touch more now with friends from grade school and high school, which is fun. I enjoy that and I look forward to hearing from them or seeing their posts. Some were reacquainted from the books I’ve written or the blogs I write. That is satisfying. 

But what of those who are or were more recent friends? Not so much. Some is certainly my fault. I got caught up in my life, my work, and my family. Writing has kept me busy- thankfully so. Kim and I do a great deal together, and that’s always a good thing. We do quite a bit with my two daughters, their husbands, and our grandson. Even thinking of them brings a smile to my face. Yet, I miss the friends I’ve made over the years. 

This might be a guess, but I bet Bacon and I aren’t the only ones this has happened to. I think many of you reading this might have similar experiences. I wrote a post for this blog on February 13, 2023 titled, Like Boosters on a Rocket and as of this afternoon, there have been 372 views. It seems like it hit the heart with quite a few of you.

The essence of that post is that some folks aren’t meant to journey through life with you. Some come along and help you at different times over the years, while others remain friends seemingly forever. It’s just that I wish I had more of the latter. Perhaps you do too. I would love to hear from you on how this post hits you. Something to think about ... 

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

For My Readers:   

If you like what you’re reading and find a benefit from it, you can check out my other posts on my Website at https://www.jrlewisauthor.com under the Inspirational Blog tab. You can find all nine books, their descriptions, and links for purchase at the same site.  

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Black Yéʼii (The Evil One) is now available in paperback and Kindle. An Audible is currently being worked on. You can find it here:

Amazon Link: https://tinyurl.com/25w95xcn

Barnes & Noble Link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/black-y-700-ii-joseph-lewis/1146257565?ean=9781685135379 

If you want more of the backstory to Black Yéʼii (The Evil One) check out my previous book, Caught in a Web, which is available in paperback, Kindle, and Audible. You can find it here:

Amazon Link: https://amzn.to/2GrU51T

Barnes & Noble Link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/caught-in-a-web-joseph-lewis/1128250923?ean=9781684330249

I also want to remind you that Fan Mail is now available in Audible format, as well as Paperback and Kindle. You can find it here: 

Audible Link: https://audiobooksunleashed.com/product/fan-mail/ 

Amazon Link: https://amzn.to/3eNgSdS

Barnes & Noble Link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fan-mail-joseph-lewis/1142543281?ean=9781685131685

Photo courtesy of Chang Duong and Unsplash

Keepsakes and Memories

My sister, Kathy, sent me this from my niece, Annie. Annie’s father, my brother-in-law, passed away this past September, and one year previous to this, Annie’s mother, my sister, passed away. Annie described it as “being homeless.” No anchor. 

With the last hurricane that blasted Florida, Annie lost her home. Nearly everything was lost, damaged, or broken. Needless to say, this has been an extremely tough two years on her and her two sisters and brother. 

“Homeless.” No anchor. 

Annie posted this on Facebook, and I decided to bring it to you on my blog, because it encapsulates what many of have gone through, or will go through, upon the passing of a mom or dad or older sibling.

Again, this is not my own, nor is it Annies. She found it and posted it just as it is, and I am posting it just as it is. It comes from Melissa Vaughan …

A friend posted this writing today, and it struck me that someday EVERYONE will go thru this discarding of “things” that are the memories of one’s life. Sometimes it’s our own and more often it’s the life of someone we love ... 

When my mom was cleaning out her house over 23 years ago to sell it, I wasn’t very sympathetic over her attachments to things. I would go over on weekends to help her and we would go through things, things for a yard sale, things to donate, things to throw away. I would usually get upset over how long it was taking her to decide. For instance, we were going through kitchen cabinets and she spent 20 minutes looking at an iron kettle with a lid. Finally I said, “Mom, at this rate, it is going to take us another 2 years.” 

She told me that her mother used to make meals in that kettle and leave them at doorsteps of neighbors during the depression, mom would deliver them, and then they would reappear back to her with an apron, or a wood carving, something in return for the meal. I realized that everything that my mom was going through was really a reliving of her life.

If you are reading this and are under the age of 60, you won’t get it. You haven’t lived long enough. Most of you have not had to move your parents into a nursing home, or emptied their home. You haven’t lived long enough to realize that the hours you spend picking out the right cabinets, or the perfect tile will not be what matters in the later years. It will be the handmade toothbrush holder, or a picture that you got on vacation. 

So, if your parents are downsizing, and moving to smaller places, or selling a home, give your mom and even your dad a break. Those things that you don’t understand why they can’t just pitch, and why you think you know what needs to be tossed or saved, give them a little time to make their decisions. They are saying goodbye to their past and realizing that they are getting ready for their end of life while you are beginning your life.

As I have been going through things, it’s amazing just how hard it is to get rid of objects. But, life goes on, and you realize they are just things, but sometimes things comfort us. So give your parents or grandparents a break. Listen to their stories, because in 40 years, when you are going through those boxes and the memories come back, it will be hard to get rid of those plastic champagne flutes that you and your late husband used at a New Year party 40 years ago. You will think nothing of the tile or the light fixtures that were so important then.

As happy as they are for you, and as much as they love you, you just don’t have a clue until it happens to you and then you will remember how you rushed them, and it will make you sad, especially if they are already gone and you can’t say I’m sorry, I didn’t get it.

~ Original Post Melissa Vaughan 

I hope this post causes you to think and to reminisce in a good way. I know I did.

I didn’t have to clean out the house when dad moved to a nursing home. After he passed away, I didn’t have to clean out his room. My sister did that. When my mom moved to a nursing home, my two sisters cleaned out her condo. They carefully left small piles of keepsakes for each of us sons and daughters to take. I didn’t see them struggle, and I didn’t see them weep, though I know they did. I know when I walked through that home for the last time, I wept.

My memories were both good and bad. Some of my doing, while some were done to me. It happens because we’re human and we’re not perfect.

I only hope that when I pass and when Kim moves on, she and my daughters will have fond memories of my keepsakes, the things I treasured and those things that meant something to me. I hope they realize that what meant the most to me was their love and companionship. I think we all want that, don’t we? Something to think about …

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

For My Readers:  

If you like what you’re reading and find a benefit from it, you can check out my other posts on my Website at https://www.jrlewisauthor.com under the Inspirational Blog tab. You can find all nine books, their descriptions, and links for purchase at the same site. 

Please Connect with Me on Social Media: 

Website https://www.jrlewisauthor.com

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557592103627

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/authorjosephlewis/

TikTok @josephlewis5566  (until it goes away, if it goes away)

Substack https://tinyurl.com/2m5ckdvh  

Black Yéʼii (The Evil One) is now available in paperback and Kindle. Plans are being made to bring it to you in Audible. You can find it here:

Amazon Link: https://tinyurl.com/25w95xcn

Barnes & Noble Link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/black-y-700-ii-joseph-lewis/1146257565?ean=9781685135379

I also want to remind you that Fan Mail is now available in Audible format, as well as Paperback and Kindle. You can find it here: https://audiobooksunleashed.com/product/fan-mail/