My heart sort of fell apart a little yesterday. It was Emily’s twentieth birthday. A happy day normally. End of the teen years and stepping into adulthood. But it was also the day Kim and I moved her out of her dorm room and into an apartment with two of her teammates as roommates. She has two jobs she’ll be working this summer. And, she’ll be living in Greensboro, not at home with us. Not.
It is sad for me. Real sad.
Of course at the start of the day, Em was excited. It was her apartment. Her own keys and her own address. Her own mailbox. Her own room. New pots and pans and mixing bowls. New lamps and a new bedspread. Everything new.
At the end of the day and after the great, grand move in, there was a birthday dinner celebrated with her boyfriend, her two roommates and their families. Lots of laughter and smiles.
And then as we got ready to leave and as we stood outside by the car that would take Kim and me away, I think reality set in for all of us. There were hugs and tears. And that was when I felt big chunks of my heart fall away. I think Kim and Em felt the same thing. It was the reality that she is there and we are here and our lives- Em’s, Kim’s, Hannah’s and mine- will be different.
I’m a little bit older today . . . not so much physically, although I am that too. But emotionally. I’m not ready for it. Maybe someday, down the road. But I’m not ready for it today. Just not.
And as I think about it, this time of year is sort of the journey down the End of the Road for many of us and in various ways.
It’s the start of the end of the year. It’s the start of the end of routine- for teachers, for parents, and even for the kids.
Some will retire. Some are moving on to different jobs and different positions. Kids are graduating. Other kids are moving one grade closer to graduating. And still other kids will be making the move to high school. Others to middle school. Others will enter kindergarten.
I get it. Life keeps moving. I get it. Life moves forward and doesn’t stop just because we want it to . . . maybe need it to. I get it. But I don’t have to like it.
There is an analogy. Stick your hand in a moving stream or river and the water continues to move around it. Your hand doesn’t stop the water from moving. Not at all. All your hand does is get wet.
And, no matter how I feel . . . how we feel . . . life keeps moving forward. It marches to its own beat, its own rhythm. It is independent and separate, yet it involves us whether we want to be involved or not.
So, this is the time of year when I most feel I’m on the journey towards the End of the Road. Knowing of course, that there will be a new road, a different road. Knowing that there will be a different journey. And like the last journey, some of it will be fun and joyful, just as some of it will be sad and maybe painful.
As much as I’d like to buck up and say, “All is good and it is the way it should be!” I can’t. I’m not ready to. As I said, I’m a little bit older today. I’m not ready for it. Maybe someday, down the road. But I’m not ready for it today. Just not. And I think that’s okay. For me. For you. For us. It’s okay. Something to think about . . .
Life Your Life, and Make A Difference!
To My Readers:
I have been really blessed with some wonderful reviews on my new novel, Caught in a Web. Best Thrillers wrote: “The Bottom Line: This important, nail-biting crime thriller about MS-13 sets the bar very high. One of the year’s best thrillers.” You can read the entire review (rather short, but impactful) at https://bestthrillers.com/caught-in-a-web-one-of-the-years-best-conspiracy-thrillers/
Another review, from Diane Donovan, Senior Reviewer at The Midwest Book Review wrote: “As the investigators review relationships, affairs, and threats, they find themselves unraveling an ever-increasing web of deception as readers are carried into a thrilling underworld of gang violence and teen involvements which gradually lead to a resolution where characters may fudge on honesty, but tie up loose ends.
Characters are many, but are well-drawn; the action offers just the right blend of tension and intrigue; and detective story enthusiasts will especially relish the level of emotional inquiry which makes the characters both human and believable.
The result is an involving detective piece that probes the worlds of teens and gang members with an equal attention to precise, staccato details that flow smoothly into a story that creates a satisfying conclusion to all conundrums.” You can read the entire review, again fairly short, at http://www.midwestbookreview.com/mbw/may_18.htm#donovan
Caught in a Web is available in both paperback and Kindle format on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/Caught-Web-Joseph-Lewis/dp/1684330246/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524752314&sr=1-1&keywords=caught+in+a+web+joseph+lewis
For those of you in the Fredericksburg, Virginia area, I am doing the last of three Caught in a Web book sale and signing events. You can find me at:
Tomorrow, Saturday, May 12 Salem Church Library in Spotsylvania/Fredericksburg from 1:00 – 3:00 p.m.
Connect with me on Social Media:
Twitter at @jrlewisauthor
Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author