Do me a favor .
. . consider for a minute things your father or mother said to you while you
were growing up.
I’m willing to
bet you can come up with three or more statements made by one or both of your
parents and as you remember them, I bet you can not only picture who said them
but the facial expression and body language, hand gestures, eyes, mouth of the
parent saying them. They are that fresh in your mind. Would I be correct in
that guess?
In my own
childhood, I can hear and picture my mom saying:
-
“Oh my mother’s
hat!” (Whatever that meant.)
-
“My mother’s
mustache!” (Again, no idea, other than perhaps a picture of the bearded lady in
a circus, I guess.)
-
“Just wait until
your father gets home!”
-
“Whatever Paddy
shot at and missed!” (What, she was a pretty good shot? Maybe a lousy shot? Who
knows?)
My
father had much more colorful phrases, but I don’t feel comfortable writing too
many of them here. They would make us kids laugh, while my mom would admonish
him. He’d either laugh or smirk, his eyes catching ours. One of my favorites
was:
-
“That could
knock a buzzard off a manure wagon at forty paces!” (Speaking about a smell,
and he never used the word manure. Not ever.)
While
these were funny and perhaps clever, though somewhat confusing, there were
others that caused us to wince. Maybe even caused a bit of pain, at least
emotionally.
Back
in middle school, I was the drummer and lead singer for a rock and roll band.
We did mostly covers of songs, but there were a few originals. Eventually
because I did most of the lead vocals, I was moved up front and another drummer
was brought in. In high school, I did a lot of solo work for our school choir
and eventually, cut a few demos for record companies.
I
never made it then or now, for that matter. But I did try. They told me I had a
nice voice but because I didn’t play guitar or write my own music, they couldn’t
take a chance on me. I didn’t give up. I remember thinking that I had wanted
music as a career. Perhaps a kid’s dream. Probably not realistic. Looking back,
I didn’t have a chance in a million, really. But I remember my dad telling me, “You’ll
never make it.”
As
I said, looking back, I didn’t really have a chance, but it was my dream and my
goal regardless of how unrealistic. But to hear my father telling me that hurt.
And after all these years, his words and the picture of him telling me this stuck
with me. And, I did give up that dream.
I
think back on other things that were said about or to me by others, not just my
parents.
“You’re
just another Lewis kid!” Because I stuttered in my early grades, a teacher told
me to “talk correctly!” I remember a teacher telling the class that she wanted
to hear from the smartest and second smartest in the room, so she called upon
two of my friends, leaving the rest of us feeling kind of . . . stupid? Kind of
. . . ignorant? Kind of . . . not good
enough?
I
think back to things I said to kids as a teacher or coach, even as an
administrator and shake my head knowing that I might have, probably did, cause
some pain. I think of that even now years later.
You
see the things adults, especially adults with titles say to kids last a long
time. Those words and phrases and gestures stay with us. They can hurt and they
usually do hurt. Those words sometimes play on a never ending loop.
Wouldn’t
it be better to use words that help build up? Maybe use words that encourage
rather than discourage? Correct the action of a kid without denigrating the
kid, without belittling the kid, without the sarcasm that can be taken several
different ways? Because the words of encouragement, the words that lift up- we
remember those too. We hear them even now. And yes, we see the teacher, the
parent, the significant other saying those positive messages to us. Even now.
Even today. Better, those words we play on a never ending loop. Better, that voice
in the back of our mind. Something to think about . . .
To My Readers:
I
have great news!
My
fifth work of thriller/suspense fiction,
Caught in a Web will be published by
Black Rose Writing in April of 2018. While I complete the necessary edits and
wait, I am finishing up my sixth, Spiral
Into Darkness. As always, I will keep you posted on the progress of Caught in a Web and Spiral Into Darkness.
Please
feel free to connect with me at:
Twitter at @jrlewisauthor
Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author
If
you like Thriller/Suspense fiction,
check out my novels:
Available on Amazon for .99 the Lives
Trilogy Prequel, Taking Lives:
FBI
Agent Pete Kelliher and his partner search for the clues behind the bodies of
six boys left in various and remote parts of the country. Even though they
don’t know one another, the lives of FBI Agent Kelliher and two boys become
interwoven with the same thread that Pete Kelliher holds in his hand. The three
of them are on a collision course and when that happens, their lives are in
jeopardy as each search for a way out. http://bit.ly/Taking-Lives-JLewis
Stolen Lives, Book One of the Lives
Trilogy:
Two
thirteen-year-old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher and
his team of FBI agents have 24 hours to find them or they’ll end up like all
the others- dead! They have no leads, no clues, and nothing to go on. And the
possibility exists that one of his team members might be involved. http://bit.ly/Stolen-Lives-JLewis
Shattered Lives, Book Two of the Lives
Trilogy:
Six
desperate and violent men escape. One of them stands in a kitchen facing a 14
year-old-boy with a gun. There are many reasons for the boy to pull the
trigger. Mainly, the man had started it all. http://bit.ly/Shattered-Lives-J-Lewis
Splintered Lives, Book Three of the
Lives Trilogy:
A
14 year-old-boy is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. High up on an
Arizona mesa, he faces three desperate and dangerous men in hopes of saving his
father and his brothers. http://bit.ly/Splintered-Lives-J-Lewis
