Awfulizer vs Awesomizer

My daughter, Hannah, loved Winnie the Pooh. I can’t tell you how many movies we have and I can’t tell you how many times we watched those movies. And read the books. And sang along to tapes (CDs weren’t invented then or if they were, we didn’t have them).

Each character was memorable and I think each of us had a favorite. Mine was Eeyore. He kept losing his tail or it would fall off and sometimes when placed back on, it would be crooked and off-center.

Eeyore had a penchant for finding the gloom in almost every situation. A sunny blue sky- it might rain. A walk in the woods- too many thorns and bugs. Statements usually with a “Yes, but . . .” or an “I don’t know . . .” warning.

While Eeyore was my favorite character, I had to admit he grew tiresome. I think that’s why the writers only had him in bit parts and in snatches of action. Too much Eeyore was, well, too much.

And then there was Mary Mallon.

You probably know her better as Typhoid Mary. She was a cook and the first person in the United States identified as an asymptomatic carrier of the pathogen associated with typhoid fever. Legend had it that she had infected 51 people, three of whom died.

You might be wondering what the connection is between Eeyore and Typhoid Mary.

It’s simple, really. Both are/were carriers of gloom, of doom and both cause illness. Mostly illness to the heart and head and sometimes to our physical and emotional well-being.

I’m willing to bet right now, this very moment, each of you can picture someone who is a doom and gloom kind of person. Someone who sees the negative, the awful in any situation. Someone who is a “Yes, but . . .” person. I’m also willing to bet that when you are around this person, you can only take so much before he or she wears you out, drains your energy, and you lose the sunny and positive disposition you had.

And unfortunately, this Eeyore, this Typhoid Mary moves from person to person infecting him or her with this gloom, this doom until the positivity you and they feel is . . . gone. And each person they “touch” becomes infected and the tendency is to pass it on to the next, and to the next, and to the next . . .

I listened to a brief presentation from a colleague who had attended a conference. He shared with us some of the things he learned from it, some insights that caused him to ponder.

One of the things that struck him was the difference between the Awfulizer vs Awesomizer.

The Awfulizer has nothing positive or constructive to share or offer. He or she shoots down ideas and picks apart suggestions only offering what can or might go wrong without offering an alternative. This person has no energy and one wonders if the Awfulizer ever smiles, is ever happy.

The Awesomizer is the opposite. The Awesomizer is positive, energetic and intuitive and who sees the best in people and in situations. The Awesomizer actually looks for the best in people and in situations. And like Typhoid Mary, the Awesomizer is someone who can pass on his “disease.” Only in this case, the Awesomizer leaves everyone feeling uplifted, in a better mood and feeling positive. The Awesomizer leaves you with a smile, maybe a laugh.

We have a choice, you and I. We can be like Eeyore and the Awfulizer or we can be like the Awesomizer. In either case, we become like Typhoid Mary passing onto others whatever is in our heart, whatever we are feeling. Think about that for a moment . . . isn’t it better to fill someone’s cup with joy, with happiness and with hope rather than doom and gloom and darkness? We have that choice- either for ourselves or for others. As Yoda would say, “Choose wisely.” Something to think about . . .

To My Readers:

My fifth work of thriller/suspense fiction, Caught in a Web will be published by Black Rose Writing in April of 2018. While I complete the necessary edits and wait, I am finishing up my sixth, Spiral Into Darkness. As always, I will keep you posted on the progress of both.

Please feel free to connect with me at:

Twitter at @jrlewisauthor

Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author                                    

Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Lewis/e/B01FWB9AOI/                                

If you like Thriller/Suspense fiction, check out my novels:

Available on Amazon for .99 the Lives Trilogy Prequel, Taking Lives:

FBI Agent Pete Kelliher and his partner search for the clues behind the bodies of six boys left in various and remote parts of the country. Even though they don’t know one another, the lives of FBI Agent Kelliher and two boys become interwoven with the same thread that Pete Kelliher holds in his hand. The three of them are on a collision course and when that happens, their lives are in jeopardy as each search for a way out. http://bit.ly/Taking-Lives-JLewis             

Stolen Lives, Book One of the Lives Trilogy:

Two thirteen-year-old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher and his team of FBI agents have 24 hours to find them or they’ll end up like all the others- dead! They have no leads, no clues, and nothing to go on. And the possibility exists that one of his team members might be involved. http://bit.ly/Stolen-Lives-JLewis           

Shattered Lives, Book Two of the Lives Trilogy:

Six desperate and violent men escape. One of them stands in a kitchen facing a 14 year-old-boy with a gun. There are many reasons for the boy to pull the trigger. Mainly, the man had started it all. http://bit.ly/Shattered-Lives-J-Lewis            

Splintered Lives, Book Three of the Lives Trilogy:

A 14 year-old-boy is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. High up on an Arizona mesa, he faces three desperate and dangerous men in hopes of saving his father and his brothers. http://bit.ly/Splintered-Lives-J-Lewis

That Little Voice

Do me a favor . . . consider for a minute things your father or mother said to you while you were growing up.

I’m willing to bet you can come up with three or more statements made by one or both of your parents and as you remember them, I bet you can not only picture who said them but the facial expression and body language, hand gestures, eyes, mouth of the parent saying them. They are that fresh in your mind. Would I be correct in that guess?

In my own childhood, I can hear and picture my mom saying:

-         “Oh my mother’s hat!” (Whatever that meant.)

-         “My mother’s mustache!” (Again, no idea, other than perhaps a picture of the bearded lady in a circus, I guess.)

-         “Just wait until your father gets home!”

-         “Whatever Paddy shot at and missed!” (What, she was a pretty good shot? Maybe a lousy shot? Who knows?)

My father had much more colorful phrases, but I don’t feel comfortable writing too many of them here. They would make us kids laugh, while my mom would admonish him. He’d either laugh or smirk, his eyes catching ours. One of my favorites was:

-         “That could knock a buzzard off a manure wagon at forty paces!” (Speaking about a smell, and he never used the word manure. Not ever.)

While these were funny and perhaps clever, though somewhat confusing, there were others that caused us to wince. Maybe even caused a bit of pain, at least emotionally.

Back in middle school, I was the drummer and lead singer for a rock and roll band. We did mostly covers of songs, but there were a few originals. Eventually because I did most of the lead vocals, I was moved up front and another drummer was brought in. In high school, I did a lot of solo work for our school choir and eventually, cut a few demos for record companies.

I never made it then or now, for that matter. But I did try. They told me I had a nice voice but because I didn’t play guitar or write my own music, they couldn’t take a chance on me. I didn’t give up. I remember thinking that I had wanted music as a career. Perhaps a kid’s dream. Probably not realistic. Looking back, I didn’t have a chance in a million, really. But I remember my dad telling me, “You’ll never make it.”

As I said, looking back, I didn’t really have a chance, but it was my dream and my goal regardless of how unrealistic. But to hear my father telling me that hurt. And after all these years, his words and the picture of him telling me this stuck with me. And, I did give up that dream.

I think back on other things that were said about or to me by others, not just my parents.

“You’re just another Lewis kid!” Because I stuttered in my early grades, a teacher told me to “talk correctly!” I remember a teacher telling the class that she wanted to hear from the smartest and second smartest in the room, so she called upon two of my friends, leaving the rest of us feeling kind of . . . stupid? Kind of . . . ignorant?  Kind of . . . not good enough?

I think back to things I said to kids as a teacher or coach, even as an administrator and shake my head knowing that I might have, probably did, cause some pain. I think of that even now years later.

You see the things adults, especially adults with titles say to kids last a long time. Those words and phrases and gestures stay with us. They can hurt and they usually do hurt. Those words sometimes play on a never ending loop.

Wouldn’t it be better to use words that help build up? Maybe use words that encourage rather than discourage? Correct the action of a kid without denigrating the kid, without belittling the kid, without the sarcasm that can be taken several different ways? Because the words of encouragement, the words that lift up- we remember those too. We hear them even now. And yes, we see the teacher, the parent, the significant other saying those positive messages to us. Even now. Even today. Better, those words we play on a never ending loop. Better, that voice in the back of our mind. Something to think about . . .

To My Readers:

I have great news!

My fifth work of thriller/suspense fiction, Caught in a Web will be published by Black Rose Writing in April of 2018. While I complete the necessary edits and wait, I am finishing up my sixth, Spiral Into Darkness. As always, I will keep you posted on the progress of Caught in a Web and Spiral Into Darkness.

Please feel free to connect with me at:

Twitter at @jrlewisauthor

Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author                                   

Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Lewis/e/B01FWB9AOI/                               

If you like Thriller/Suspense fiction, check out my novels:

Available on Amazon for .99 the Lives Trilogy Prequel, Taking Lives:

FBI Agent Pete Kelliher and his partner search for the clues behind the bodies of six boys left in various and remote parts of the country. Even though they don’t know one another, the lives of FBI Agent Kelliher and two boys become interwoven with the same thread that Pete Kelliher holds in his hand. The three of them are on a collision course and when that happens, their lives are in jeopardy as each search for a way out. http://bit.ly/Taking-Lives-JLewis            

Stolen Lives, Book One of the Lives Trilogy:

Two thirteen-year-old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher and his team of FBI agents have 24 hours to find them or they’ll end up like all the others- dead! They have no leads, no clues, and nothing to go on. And the possibility exists that one of his team members might be involved. http://bit.ly/Stolen-Lives-JLewis          

Shattered Lives, Book Two of the Lives Trilogy:

Six desperate and violent men escape. One of them stands in a kitchen facing a 14 year-old-boy with a gun. There are many reasons for the boy to pull the trigger. Mainly, the man had started it all. http://bit.ly/Shattered-Lives-J-Lewis           

Splintered Lives, Book Three of the Lives Trilogy:

A 14 year-old-boy is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. High up on an Arizona mesa, he faces three desperate and dangerous men in hopes of saving his father and his brothers. http://bit.ly/Splintered-Lives-J-Lewis

If the Shirt Doesn't Fit . . .

There are a series of pictures I’ve seen that illustrate the difference between what is fair and what is equal. It can be a difficult concept to grasp, especially in our current climate.

Three kids are standing behind a fence trying to watch a baseball game. The three kids are different sizes ranging from tall, to medium, to short.

The second picture shows the same kids behind the same fence watching the same baseball game, but in this instance, they stand on boxes. The boxes are all the same size, indicating that each kid is getting equal treatment. However, the tall kid and the medium kid see just fine, but because the short kid has a box that isn’t large enough, he still can’t see. Equal, but not necessarily fair.

The third picture shows yet the same kids behind the same fence watching the same baseball game, but this time each kid is given a different size box to stand on. The tall kid receives a box but it is smallest of the three boxes, but he can see just fine. The medium kid receives a slightly larger box than the taller kid, so he sees the game just fine. And the smallest kid receives a large box to stand on so he is at the same height as the tall and medium-sized kids and because of this, he sees the baseball game comfortably. In fact, in this picture, all three are standing at an equal height, so each can watch the same baseball game comfortably without any obstruction. Fair, but not necessarily equal.

Fair and equal.

Each child receives what he or she needs to succeed.

This morning I spent time on the phone with a concerned and frustrated parent because of a decision I made. Not the first time that happened and I’m sure it won’t be the last. The interpretation the parent wanted was the “letter of the law” because it is written and is black and white with no wiggle room.

Hmmm . . .

I’ve never claimed to be Solomon nor claimed to have his wisdom or brilliance. I’m just a guy and I’m sure if others were in my shoes, perhaps a different decision might have been made. Probably so because there are others a whole lot smarter than I am.

But I don’t see things as black and white. I see black and white with gradations of gray. I live in the world of gray. Always have and I know it can drive some folks a bit crazy. You know, the consistency thing.

I have several favorite psychologists and clinicians I’ve studied and read over the years. One of them, Alfred Adler, was paraphrased by a professor of mine while I was obtaining my first M.S., that one in Counseling. He said, “If the shirt doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.”

Great advice, but what if it’s the only shirt you have?

I think all decisions, big and small, need to be tempered by not only with what is fair and not only with what is equal with mostly with an eye on what is the most loving thing that can be done in any situation.

What is the most loving thing that can be done?

For some, we try to make it as fair as we can and this might mean that we aren’t treating some equally. But if we allow the question: “What is the most loving thing that can be done?” to influence that decision, how can we possibly go wrong? To me, love has a much higher rank than fair or equal. Just because something is written in black and white doesn’t mean it is necessarily right or necessarily fair or necessarily equal. Don’t accept the shirt if it doesn’t fit. Rather, If The Shirt Doesn’t Fit, get a new shirt. Just sayin’. Something to think about . . .

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

To My Readers:

I have great news!

My fifth work of thriller/suspense fiction, Caught in a Web will be published by Black Rose Writing in April of 2018. While I complete the necessary edits and wait, I am finishing up my sixth, Spiral Into Darkness. As always, I will keep you posted on the progress of Caught in a Web and Spiral Into Darkness.

Please feel free to connect with me at:

Twitter at @jrlewisauthor

Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/Joseph.Lewis.Author                                   

Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Joseph-Lewis/e/B01FWB9AOI/                             

If you like Thriller/Suspense fiction, check out my novels:

Available on Amazon for .99 the Lives Trilogy Prequel, Taking Lives:

FBI Agent Pete Kelliher and his partner search for the clues behind the bodies of six boys left in various and remote parts of the country. Even though they don’t know one another, the lives of FBI Agent Kelliher and two boys become interwoven with the same thread that Pete Kelliher holds in his hand. The three of them are on a collision course and when that happens, their lives are in jeopardy as each search for a way out. http://bit.ly/Taking-Lives-JLewis           

Stolen Lives, Book One of the Lives Trilogy:

Two thirteen-year-old boys are abducted off a safe suburban street. Kelliher and his team of FBI agents have 24 hours to find them or they’ll end up like all the others- dead! They have no leads, no clues, and nothing to go on. And the possibility exists that one of his team members might be involved. http://bit.ly/Stolen-Lives-JLewis          

Shattered Lives, Book Two of the Lives Trilogy:

Six desperate and violent men escape. One of them stands in a kitchen facing a 14 year-old-boy with a gun. There are many reasons for the boy to pull the trigger. Mainly, the man had started it all. http://bit.ly/Shattered-Lives-J-Lewis          

Splintered Lives, Book Three of the Lives Trilogy:

A 14 year-old-boy is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. High up on an Arizona mesa, he faces three desperate and dangerous men in hopes of saving his father and his brothers. http://bit.ly/Splintered-Lives-J-Lewis