Change

The New Year seems to bring a flurry of resolutions: lose weight, stop smoking, get out of debt, get more active.  Ever wonder why we wait until the New Year to change?  Isn't each day an opportunity to change, to recreate?  I stopped New Year’s resolutions quite some time ago.  I couldn’t seem to stick with them, perhaps because the resolution was too vague and not focused enough, or maybe because the resolution was too lofty and not incremental enough.  In any case, what I set out to do with the best of intentions, ended sometimes gradually, sometimes with a thud, and almost always without success. 

Instead of changing something I was or wasn’t doing, I decided to change how I thought.  Henri-Frédéric Amiel wrote, “All appears to change when we change.”  I tend to believe that.  I believe that our attitude shapes our response to situations, to events and to people who come and go in our lives. Our frame of reference shapes our response.  Sometimes our frame of reference is automatic, conditioned by time and the repetitiveness of the situations we find ourselves in, sometimes the monotony of the circumstances we place ourselves in.  Because of a past experience with someone, our response to them is automatic without a second thought, without hesitation and without giving him or her a chance.  Perhaps if we took a deep breath, if we paused and gave that someone a chance, our response, and more importantly, the response we’d like to get might change for the better. 

But ultimately, it is dependent upon us: our attitude, our willingness to step out of the box we’ve created for ourselves, and perhaps the box we’ve created for others, and try to do and think differently. Change is sometimes difficult, sometimes unwelcome, and might mean that we think and do something we haven’t thought of or done before.  However, I challenge you to try it: you might like it, and more importantly, like the result.  Start tomorrow- don't wait until New Years!

Live Your Life, and Make A Difference!

Giving and Receiving

There were ten of us children growing up in a house in the country next to a river.  We shared one bathroom until my dad had an addition built.  I know we weren't wealthy by today's standards, perhaps not by any standards.  I grew up with a lot of hand-me-downs, as did my other brothers and sisters.  I also remember my mom and dad doing without in order to provide for us.

Each Christmas, we'd line up on the stairs in our pajamas oldest at the top to the youngest at the bottom.  Dad would light up the tree and yell for us to come and see "what Santa brought".  There was laughter and joy and excitement.

At some point as the years passed and when I began to shop for my mom and dad and for my brothers and sisters that I became more interested in what I was going to give to them than in what I was going to receive from them.  While I didn't have much money in my pocket, I wanted to make it count, to mean something.  This feeling of receiving more joy in the giving than in the receiving really hit home when my wife and I had our own children.  Their joy, their excitement means more to me than anything I receive from them.  I know that if I could give them the sun, the moon and the stars, I would.  But I can't.

What I can give them is love.  I can give them my time.  I cam give them a hug and kiss when needed, along with a ear for listening.  I can give them me.  Perhaps the gift and giving of ourselves is really the best gift of all because it seems the more we give, the more we have and are blessed with in return.

Live your life and make a difference!

My Hope For You!

“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.”

I don’t know who said this or I would attribute this appropriately, but I wanted to use this quote because I like it and because I feel it is applicable to each of us.  In the past two weeks, we’ve been through so much, but the good thing is that we’ve been through it together. 

We’re much stronger together than we are separate.  It’s tough to take on a situation or circumstance alone. There is comfort in knowing that someone else feels as we do, that someone else is struggling just as we are.  We really aren’t alone- ever!  There is always someone else who has the same sort of feelings, concerns, worries, problems, and fears.  Separate and apart, it can be too much.  Together, it seems bearable.

One of the most touching stories coming out of the tragedy in Connecticut was the story of the six year old who died in the arms of his favorite teacher.  They suffered together, somehow giving comfort to each other, sharing their fear with each other, and in the end, died together.  The parents of the little boy felt so much better because he was with his favorite teacher in the very end.  Little comfort, I’m sure, but comfort nonetheless.

We march through this world together.  We’re really never alone.  Even when it seems as if we’ve had too much, can’t take any more, we’re not alone.  We struggle together, laugh together, worry together, and always, hope together.  We have faith that all will be right, that things will work out and in the end, what seemed mighty and insurmountable, well, it is less because we’ve survived the storm and we did it together.

My hope for each of you is serenity.  To know that you are never alone.  Each of you, yes each of you, are never far away from my thoughts.  I have your back and I take comfort in knowing you have mine.  After all, we’re together.  

Live Your Life, And Make A Difference!

Stones and Ripples

When I was growing up way back when, my family lived on a river out in the country.  Rafts, some swimming before the river became too polluted, tree forts hung in the Weeping Willows.  Big yard where we'd play baseball or football or hide and go seek.  Climbing trees, especially the Green Apple Tree that served our imaginations as a fort, a plane, or for just sitting and thinking.  You get the picture.  As kids when we'd run out of things to do, we'd throw stones in the river to see who could throw the farthest and make the biggest splash.  Depending upon the size of the stone, the ripples would expand until they hit the shore line.  One after another they came lasting for several minutes.  Some ripples bigger, some smaller.  It didn't matter the size really, because the ripples would travel in circles until the momentum would end and the river would calm itself once again until another stone was tossed.

Sometimes I wonder about the stones we throw and the ripples we cause because of those stones.  Are they stones of love and caring and concern?  A smile of encouragement, a gentle pat on the shoulder, a kind word or two, maybe a note to say "well done" or "keep up the good work" or "I noticed . . ."?  Or are they stones cast in anger or indifference, perhaps abruptness causing completely different ripples?  And because ripples travel seemingly for a great distance, who knows what happens when those ripples hit "shore". 

Perhaps in this season of giving, of caring, of compassion, all of us can examine the stones we throw and what kinds of ripples those stones make.

Live your life and make a difference. 

Footprints

I was thinking about footprints.  

Various shapes, sizes.  Easy to find on a beach as you walk along the shore.  Perhaps not so welcome when you find footprints on your newly cleaned floor.  As a kid, my family would drive to the dunes at a state park along Lake Michigan and we'd see signs requesting visitors to watch where they walk, to stay on the path and not disturb the ecosystem.   

I wonder about the footprints I've left behind and what became of them.  Were my footprints welcomed like the ones at the beach?  Were they seen as an intrusion like the messy ones on a clean linoleum floor?  Did I care enough to not damage the "ecosystem" of the people I walked with?  

Teddy Roosevelt had a famous line: "Walk softly, but carry a big stick."  While I admire TR greatly, I'd like to amend his statement to: "Walk softly, and carry a big heart."  We never really know what happens to our footprints, but if we carry a big heart, they can be lasting, and loving, impressions for people to follow.  Sort of like a trail for the ones who come after us.

Live your life and make a difference. 

Tolerance

Desmond Tutu stated: "Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate.  We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another." 

Sometimes we get caught up in this belief or that philosophy without realizing that we need all viewpoints and ideas.  One of my grad professors told our class once upon a time that the collective mind is always better than one mind, one idea.  I believe that.  It didn't necessarily come easy for me to accept or believe, but I've grown in that knowledge, fostered by teachers, by mentors, and by folks who roll into my life.  I think one of the best gifts or "learnings" we can give to our kids, maybe to each other, is the belief that there is always difference of opinion, difference of belief and difference between individuals.  That difference and the acceptance of difference is sometimes a hard lesson to learn.  But I think kids will learn acceptance and tolerance if we preach it and model it ourselves.  It will cause change and you and I both know change isn't necessarily easy.  It is difficult because change challenges our patterns of belief and behavior, and sometimes when our pattern of belief and behavior is challenged, we take that as an attack on ourselves.  It doesn't have to be viewed or perceived that way though, which I know is easier said than done.

But as Nelson Mandela said, Education is the most powerful weapon we can use to change the world."  Part of that education is reflecting on who we are, what we believe, how we react and why we react.  It's all education really. 

So, let's endeavor to teach ourselves, each other and our kids.  Tolerance is learned behavior.  We can teach it.  I think in the long run, our world will be better off. Don't you?

Live your life and make a difference. 

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday- more so than Christmas.  For me it has always been associated with family and food, two of my favorite things!   But the concept behind Thanksgiving is really giving thanks and it is that concept that means a lot to me. 

When you think about it, a "Thank You!" is powerful.  I realize there is a time and place for anonymity in giving to or in doing something for someone.  But what is often forgotten is a "Thank You!".  It shows you are appreciative, that you care.  And it seems that in this day and age, caring is often forgotten along with a "Thank You!".  We need to spend more time on giving and caring for one another than we do in our busy, busy lives. 

So here is my challenge to you:  I would like you to think of someone or something you are truly thankful for and give a shout out thank you.  It could be recent or it could be in the past.  Doesn't matter.  For me, I want to thank those I seek out regularly as a sounding board, who keep me moving in the right direction or in some cases, help me to change course.  I appreciate your honesty.  You guys know who you.  Thank you. 

And to all of you, thank you for touching the lives of  kids and for making a difference in their lives, for causing them to smile, to laugh, to think, feel and do.  Thank you!  It's good to care, isn't it?

Live your life and make a difference.